Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Kid's Birthday Parties: The Lazy Edition | BlogHer

This is me taking a break from frantically cleaning my house for Phaedra's first-ever kid's birthday party. ?This year, when ?we started mentioning her birthday, she was all, "Can I have a birthday party and invite my friends from school?" ?And I was all, "Yeah! We can invite ALL our friends, and have soda and pie!" ?And she was all, "What? ?I don't want pie, I want CAKE, and I'm not even allowed to drink soda!"? Good God.? It's like she doesn't even make an effort to get any of my cultural references, yet I can sing the theme song to?Martha Speaks!?like a boss. ?MAKE AN EFFORT, KID.

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I hope no bad people show up.

Anyways, per usual, I'm putting a high amount of half-assery into this party. ?Between work, husband's work, husband's school, three kids, an infant, baking cookies for school treats, ballet, and aaaaaaaargh, I am severely strapped for fucks to give. ?However, considering that I'm about to have a house full of strange five year olds and their accompanying (and equally strange, FYI) parents, I should probably keep the half-assery under the radar. ?So here's a list of ways I have cut corners in terms of cost and effort (but not coolness) for this party:

1) Semi-decorated cake: For about ten months now, Phaedra has been describing her ideal birthday cake to me in intricate detail: pink, with streamers (?), a varying list of Disney princesses in attendance, and a castle on top. ?Last week, I made the mistake of confirming what her cake should look like while she was watching an episode of The Powerpuff Girls. ?"I want a Powerpuff Girls?cake!"

"Are you sure, because you've been talking about a princess cake for awh..."

"I WANT A POWERPUFF GIRLS?CAKE!"

Duly noted.

So, I don't know if you've priced made-to-order decorated cakes lately, but news flash!: they're pricey. ?And, strangely enough, there's not a booming business going on cake decorations for late-90s cartoon characters. ?Go figure.? The only ones I could find were stupid expensive and, honestly, looked like they were made by someone who had never actually seen an episode of the Powerpuff Girls, but had just went off a description someone else gave them, kind of like a police sketch artist.? Additionally, I am not game for baking my own cake for this event. ?What it basically boils down to is either clean the house, or bake a cake. ?And while I'm not necessarily trying to impress anyone, I'm also not willing to explain to people where the paths are through the toys so no one breaks an ankle.

So, here's what I did: ?I bought a cake at Meijer. ?Half sheet or whatever, the one that's not too big, but not too small. ?Pink piping around the edges, which I'm assuming is what she means by "streamers". ?It even has birthday balloons. ?GOOD. ?I printed off pictures of the Powerpuff Girls, cut them out, glued them to toothpicks, and I'm putting those bad boys onto the cake. ?DONE. ?The best part? ?They're going to look like they're flying.? BOOM!

Suck on that, Pinterest.

2. ?Goodie bags: Until my mother-in-law mentioned these to me, I completely forgot that such a thing existed. ?So, it's basically like a miniature trick-or-treat bag that you get to take home with you from the birthday party, right? ?So, if you've got a shit-ton of Easter candy left over that everyone has forgotten about, why buy more candy?? So get ready for lots of egg-shaped candy, kiddos! ?For consistency's sake, however, I did invest in a $3.69 jumbo box of Little Debbie's Cosmic Brownies, so each kid does get one nice-size treat. ?

?

In addition, although I do have princess-themed store-bought goodie bags to use, if I run

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